Girl awakens

Springtime musings

I oscillate between two feelings. First, that the world is against me, and second, that this world was designed specifically for me. Rationally, I am aware both are false and extreme, but I am convinced that this is exactly what makes teenage girlhood so unique and fascinating. As a “self-obsessed” (quoting the boy who asked me out a week after saying that), amateur blogger, and anonymous, teenage, girl, I self proclaim myself best placed to put those feelings into words.

Likely, I will look back at old journal entries and cringe, but that’s partly the beauty of self-discovery, and redesigning oneself every second week.

It seems like a lot of what we believe comes with being my age is from accounts by adults, who recall these years as messy, delusional, impulsive etc. Personally, I feel quite okay.

Recently, I’ve come out of a 6-month long slump, winter, that is. There is something very surreal about stepping outside one morning and feeling change. The little variations in the air that come with springtime rejuvenate me, and I come alive. I wake up without an alarm, I dress lighter (which makes me feel better), I smile at strangers, and I feel inspired and inspiring. Spring truly is magic.

Yesterday, I went to the first birthday dinner in a while. I wore a dress because it was 18 degrees and I felt like looking good. That was uncalculated, in a few minutes, 8 girls were shivering on a Mexican restaurant’s outdoor patio. We went inside, but patio season had officially been declared. It’s a necessary yearly milestone. There was something magical about that evening, being surrounded by girls I’ll be graduating alongside in less than a month, girls I’ve known and grown with for 5 years, celebrating a friend’s 18th, an introduction to adulthood on the most perfect day.

I’m tired of writing, I’m on reading week supposed to study chemistry, instead, I procrastinate here. It’s not the intent I had for the Diary, yet that’s what it’s become. Maybe it is the intent after all, for it to grow organically, as my fingers see fit. I’ll go procrastinate in another manner. I realize this entry is all over the place, but so am I, and so be it.

At least the spelling is fine.

Till my next boredom+strong feelings spell.