A draft on art and habits

The imposter syndrome is showing

This is a draft I wrote in March 2021. I am posting it because there’s no such thing as a ‘draft’ in diaries. Arguably it’s all drafts, and their rawness is what makes it so precious. This entry feels unfinished, but so is my opinion on the matter, so feel free to finish it with your own thoughts.

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Sometime in March, I gave up this blog that had once been my 'late night Big Idea’. Why? I don’t remember. Perhaps it was intimidating to keep up a habit, not because it takes time but because the word habit entails a certain commitment, one I apparently couldn’t give. I’m bad with commitments, even small ones, I often push back things I want to do because I’ll feel guilty not following through with them. And well, that’s probably how I feel now, after letting go of something that ‘could’ve been’.

I’ve also been thinking about myself, largely, and who I am. Sides of me that take too much space and the ones left unexplored. The creative one is lacking and I don’t know why. Nobody is asking me this, but if someone were to say: '“hey, are you creative?” I think I’d instinctively say yes. But, the thing is, in practice, I’m not. I only write with purpose, while journaling, to get things off my chest. So why yes? Maybe it’s because I consume so much art in all its forms, written, in film, in music. Arguably, all the media we consume, from TikTok to galleries could be summarized by one word: “art”.